This happened to me in 1980, and I am still recovering from it.

Out of the Darkness

     “It was just before going to bed, and “he” was very anxious about the morrow.  Suddenly “his” eyes separated, and they drifted to either side of “his” face; “he” felt no strangeness of pain, however, but quickly “he” lost consciousness.

     About five months later “he” reappeared in a nursing home.  “He” didn’t know “his” name, or anything else for that matter; and intelligence wise, “he” was little better than retarded.

     Physically “he” had lost 90 percent of the use of one side of “his” body and about 10 percent of the other; and “he” now weighed less than 100 pounds, even though “he” was over 6 feet tall.   

     “He” was told that he had broken a blood vessel deep in “his” brain, “he” was also told that “he” had spent nearly eight weeks unconscious before it had healed, and “he” was told that “he” had not been expected to live.

     “He” was then told that “he” wouldn’t live long unless the blood vessel was removed, and that “he” would only have half a chance of living through this operation.

     Furthermore, it was explained to “him” that “he” would use less than half of “his” brain for a number of years, and that it would come back very, very, slowly; and “he” was told that “he” would lose 90 percent of the use of one side of “his” body, 10 percent of the other side, and that this would come back with “his” intelligence.

     “He” didn’t remember this in the nursing home, however, then “he” had almost no memory at all.  Nor was “he” aware that “he” owned a ten-acre farm, a big barn, two riding horses, two Dobermans, three cats, a duck and a goose on “his” pond, a private stress counseling practice, and a wife who would leave “him” in “his” darkest hospital moment. 

     But “he” didn’t care; “he” had no memory of these events; the good and the bad, it was all the same.   “He” just smiled, and was happy with anything that happened.  Soon “he” was moved to a halfway house for a little more than a year, and “he” saw his neurosurgeon every few months.  It was here that “he” began to remember.

     “He” remembered witnessing himself receiving a spinal tap to reduce the pressure on “his” brain.  “He” lay on a table next to the wall.  Two nurses were to the left of the doctor, and “he” could describe them in detail.  “He” viewed this from the ceiling, however, on the other side of the room.

     Later “he” would ask the neurosurgeon about this, and he would confirm that it had happened just that way; and that “he” had described the nurses accurately, as well.  But there was no way for “him” to know this, the doctor continued, for “he” was deeply unconscious at the time.

     Subsequently, “he” would read that many people in a deep coma have had almost the same experience.  The neurosurgeon wasn’t surprised either, for he had patients tell him of very similar experiences many times before.

     “He” remembered regaining consciousness from the ten-hour brain operation.  “He” wanted to say something to the nurse who was in the post operating room with him, but no sound would

come out of “his” mouth when “he” tried to speak.

     Quickly “he” found that “he” couldn’t move any part of “his” body.  All “he” had partial control over was “his” right eye; and “he” could only see out of it, “he” had no control over its movement.

     The nurse attending to “him” had seen that “he” had opened “his” eyes, and she came over to “him.”  “He” was happy.  “He” was going to ask her for a glass of water, but “he” couldn’t utter a sound.  As a result, “he” consciously gave up, but to “his” astonishment “his” mouth asked her to pull the blanket up!  “He” didn’t want to say anything, but out of “his” mouth the statement came!

     “He” found that not only couldn’t “he” speak, yet “his” voice uttered intelligent statements that “he” didn’t want to say in the first place.  At nearly the same time, “his” hand went into the air reaching out for the nurse; “he” never thought of moving it, but up it went.  Something else was operating “his” body, and “he” was just a prisoner of the left side or “his” brain.

     At that point “he” thought, “I quit!” and several months passed of which “he” has no recollection, only to “wake up” in a nursing home.  Until this happened, however, something else was operating both “his” mind and body!

     Upon “his” waking up in the nursing home, it was very much apparent that the left side of “his” brain was no longer functioning,

and that “he” had somehow moved to the right side.  “He” now knows this because “he” had been a prisoner within the separated left half of “his” brain, unable to communicate or to move.

     Very slowly, however, and over a period of several months, the side of his brain that “he” was on became inoperative, and “he” somehow moved to the right side.  Until this happened, though, something else was running his mind and body.  It did many things, and it got to know the hospital staff, but it wasn’t “him,” “he” was just there for the ride.

     Before they did the brain operation, the doctors had said that there would also be a dramatic personality change in “him,” and it is presently beginning to occur.  “His” diet has changed; “he” used to be a night person, now “he” is a morning person; “he” used to like one kind of music, now “he” likes another; “he” used to be introverted, now “he” is extroverted, verbose even; and “he” used to be a Realist, believing only in that which “he” could experience in some way, now I don’t know exactly what you would call “him.”

     “He” knows that the “I” in him is not of “his” body, however, because ”he” moved from one side of “his” brain to the other, and because “he” witnessed both his body and others from outside of “his” body.

     Today “he” is regaining the use on the left side of “his” brain, and “he” continues to be amazed at what “he” is learning.  For instance: It is “he” that is regaining this use of the mind and body, not another being as “he” once feared; and “he” is now able to discern the 10 percent ability “his” right hemisphere of the brain has in moving the right side of the body, from the supposed 90 percent ability of the left hemisphere which “he” lost.

     Although it is not a physical feeling as such, “he” can perceive the differences in directives from the left and right hemispheres of “his” brain in directing “his” right hand to write again, after many years of total and complete inability. 

     “He” knows that “he” is expanding in “his” brain, and again is aware that “he” exists separate from it.  “He” doesn’t believe this anymore, however, “he” knows this from experience!

     “He” now believes that if “he” doesn’t accomplish “his” goals in this lifetime, that “he” will return in another to work on them again.  The Realist in “him” knows from experience that “he” is much more than just “his” mind and body.  “He” couldn’t think, “he” didn’t know anything, but “he” did exist; “he” is very positive of this!

     “He” is not a Realist anymore, nor is “he” an Idealist or Existentialist.  “He” is now something very different from all three Western philosophies put together, as a result of this very revealing near death experience.  “He” is still a very proud American, however, ….”